Everything but Mirrors
by Solblight
Summary: One lazy afternoon in Gensokyo, Marisa visits peace loving Alice, makes an observation and decides to act on it. Never a good idea, and certainly nothing positive to add to Alice's day.
1. Ch 1: Because of the ongoing financial

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Touhou characters, settings or any other original material created by ZUN or any other affiliates. All Touhou copyrights belong to their respective owners. **

**Hello everyone. This is a short story that has been sitting in the back for quite some time. I never got round to releasing it because I never got round to finishing it properly, but now it's done and here it is! **

**It's just a short and (hopefully) funny tale documenting an average day in Gensokyo. And that necessarily means that someone somewhere must somehow create some sort of incident... Enjoy.**

**Ch. 1: Because of the ongoing financial downturn**

"Hey, Alice."

"Hmmm?"

"Why is it that I've never seen a mirror in your house before?" Kirisame Marisa asked, scratching the side of her head.

"Hmmm… That's a good question," Alice paused what she was doing before putting a finger to her lower lip in thought. "Well, why would I need one?" Alice Margatroid shifted her finger to point at Marisa questioningly as she replied to the blonde witch's inquiry with one of her own.

Today was another one of Marisa's unplanned visits to Alice's humble cottage in woods. Alice really disliked those. It was not that she did not like Marisa's presence; she was actually one of the few people she tolerated. Alice would even go so far as to publicly describe her as an acquaintance. But the normally aloof magician _did_ have her values, and her values dictated that she properly entertain her guests in the manner befitting a noble lady, which was really hard to do so if her guests just barged in from the window any time she wanted without giving ample time for her to prepare an adequate welcome.

Her values also dictated that one actually _make_ an appointment _before _visiting.

"Uh… So you can look at yourself?" Marisa continued the conversation with a commonsensical reply. "I mean, don't you ever need to check out how you look whenever you've washed up in the morning?" The teenage witch fingered her long golden locks. "Or make sure your face is devoid of anything nasty?" she felt the side of her face. "Or how about making sure your attire is creaseless and perfect for the occasion before you go out?" Marisa pulled at the hem of her black skirt overlaid with a white apron.

"What does it matter to you?" her doll-making friend asked, as she finally finished preparing tea. "You're always wearing that same outfit. Same black pinafore. Same scruffy white blouse," Alice laid the tea on the table before Marisa and gave her a glance in an unimpressed manner. "Bet it hasn't been washed in ages too…" she mockingly wrinkled her nose.

"H-Hey! I wash my stuff, okay?" Marisa pouted as she reached for a cup of tea.

"Oh yeah? What's that stain over there on your apron?"

"Wh-What stain?"

"That purple one. Been there since three months, two days and sixteen hours, counting..."

"You're… creeping me out… You actually paid attention to things like this?" Marisa sipped her tea uncomfortably as she averted eyes with a smug looking Alice.

"I'm just meticulous like that," Alice smirked. She even knew the cause of the stain. She was there when it happened; Marisa and Alice were working on a magical endeavour together at the time- Wait… Doesn't that mean the stain is highly toxic…?

"If you're meticulous, how come you don't have something as basic as a mirror?" Marisa pointed out, grinning as Alice's smirk was erased.

"I!- Hmmm...! W-Well… Who puts a mirror in the living room anyway?" Alice huffed, turning to face away from Marisa. "And I certainly don't! Maybe that's why you don't see one!" she said a little more forcefully than she should have, evidently a little sour at being one-upped by Marisa.

"Wha…? What? ! Quite a few people actually do, Alice! It _is _a décor option…" Marisa raised an eyebrow. Apparently, Alice was rather backwards in house décor… Marisa gave one affirming look around the veryneat but _very _plain English-styled cottage. It was a quiet little cottage in a quiet little corner of the Forest of Magic, almost like a small, cosy retreat for the usual studious magician who liked their peace and quiet to carry out hours upon hours of magical research. Hard to find, hard to get to, and when it really comes down to it… its mortgage was cheap.

Hey, magical equipment was getting expensive these days…

"In any case, I wasn't just talking about the living room Alice…" Marisa continued, "I mean there certainly isn't any in your bedroom…"

"My bedroom…?" Alice frowned. Th-This witch! Does she not know her limits? "Hey, Marisa! You can't just go strolling into other people's bedrooms!" Alice was indignant at the revelation that another of her personal values was violated yet again by Marisa. "That's _private space-"_

"What? It wasn't like I went in there only once…" Marisa mentioned offhandedly.

Alice's eyes flew wide open. "Huh? ! Alright, that's just too much Marisa-"

"I've even been in your bed too, da ze…" Marisa's sly golden eyes shifted to get a better look.

"… Wh- What? !" Alice was now flaring up. "Wh-When? !"

"I think the question you should ask is…" Marisa reached across from her seat to put a finger on Alice's lips, happy at the effect she was achieving on Alice. "With whom?" Marisa looked expectant.

Alice stared at Marisa with a shocked expression, momentarily stunned. Marisa's lips curved into a naughty smile, eternally satisfied with her workmanship. Alice-plosion in three, two…

"M-MARISA!-"

"Woah! Woah! Hey, hey, hey… I'm just pulling your leg, ze!" Marisa quickly rushed over to hug and try to soothe Alice, laughing as she placed a hand over the flaming puppeteer to try to put out the fire before it really got starting.

"Mphf mphf mpfh!" Alice struggled, eyes glaring. "Gah! That's not funny , Marisa!" Alice pulled Marisa's hand away from her mouth, cheeks red from anger and rosy from being embraced. "And get away from me, you jerk!" Alice irritably but playfully pushed Marisa away.

"Hahaha… All joking aside," Marisa paused to straighten her witch hat, "You still haven't answered my question."

"Well, you've already said you didn't see a mirror in my bedroom. So?" Alice asked, still not answering Marisa's question.

"No, no, I mean, why the lack of mirrors?" Marisa clarified herself. "Not even your bathroom has one! And that has just got to be creepy!"

"Why, do you feel it's creepy to _not _have mirrors?" Alice failed to answer the question. "Personally, I find mirrors rather creepy myself…"

"Is that… why you don't have any mirrors?" Marisa asked, puzzled. Was that Alice's reason? "Are you afraid of mirrors?"

"I'm not afraid of anything!" Alice denied.

"Then why do you not have any mirrors?"

"Since when do mirrors have anything to do with fear?"

"I don't know? You just said you found mirrors creepy, I'm assuming you have a phobia or something-"

"Marisa," Alice swiftly cut in, "Do I _look _like I have a phobia?" she asked tersely. "Do I _look_ like I'm afraid of anything, or am terrified of anything? Do I look weak to you, Marisa?" Alice was being a little more confrontational than usual.

Marisa scratched her chin and gave Alice one good, hard look. Short, soft blonde hair. A slim figure, wrapped in a blue dress. White caplet, tied with a pretty little ribbon. Blue eyes and delicious, delicious knee-high boots. (a/n: Guess my fetish…)

"Well, you look like you have a terrible fear of ugliness, beautiful," Marisa smoothly complemented.

"U-Uwah! I!" Alice startled at Marisa's sudden complement. "Th-Thank you!" Alice's mood immediately swung the other way as she looked down and clasped her cheeks, blushing.

"So why do you not have a mirror to look at your pretty little self?" Marisa sneakily got back on topic.

"Gyah! Would you _stop _with the mirrors? !" Alice quickly got out of her blush.

"I don't know… Are you actually _avoiding _a simple question on mirrors?" Was she really? Marisa was starting to get suspicious of Alice.

"Look… Listen to how absurd you sound right now," Alice said, an annoyed expression on her face. "You're inquiring about _mirrors._"

"And you're refusing to answer a simple little question!" Marisa countered. "Are you hiding something from me?"

"I-I'm not!" Alice was started to get really irritated at Marisa's probing. "And even if I do have a secret, I don't have to share it with you, do I?"

"Aw, don't be like that Alice!" Marisa pleaded. "If you have any secrets, you can share them with me, honest!" Marisa placed a hand to her chest, as though that action would increase others' trust in her. "I mean, I already know many of the secrets you didn't want to tell me before," Marisa added casually and most helpfully.

"…" Alice stared at Marisa with utter disbelief. "Alright… Alright! That's IT!" Alice strode quickly to the main door and flung it open, her patience finally at its end. "OUT," Alice demanded.

"But-"

"Out," Alice repeated herself.

Marisa gave Alice one very suspicious look, then walked out the door, grumbling, "Geez… Throwing a friend out over a simple question about mirrors!"

Alice shut the door on Marisa.

"Fine! If that's how you want to behave, you stupid introvert!" Marisa's voice carried through the wood of the door, causing Alice to wince a little. Ouch, that one really hurt…

Alice glanced out the window to see the boisterous witch take off on her broom, evidently still fuming at being thrown out, before giving a little humph and turning to her now empty and quiet house. Sigh… Peace at last… And what was that all about? Alice slumped her back against the wall and looked down, almost immediately regretting her act of chasing Marisa out. She really should not have lost her temper like that… Marisa might take it rather hard and seriously…

Alice gazed up at the ceiling a little guiltily. Ah well… thought Alice. It's Marisa. She'll get over it soon, Alice tried to mentally comfort herself.

And who knows? Alice gave herself a wry grin. Knowing her, she'll probably be back with yet another silly idea…


	2. Ch 2: All in

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Touhou characters, settings or any other original material created by ZUN or any other affiliates. All Touhou copyrights belong to their respective owners. **

**Ch. 2: All in**

"What was that all about? !" Marisa demanded of Remilia Scarlet.

"Huh?" the vampire asked, mouth agape previously to accept an incoming piece of cake, but now simply agape out of confusion at Marisa's sudden appearance.

Marisa, still a little mad at Alice, had what others would perceive as a silly idea that Remilia Scarlet, the mistress of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, may have the slightest interest in aiding her with her little problem.

"I mean! She was acting so strange…" Marisa sat back down and crossed her arms crossly as she looked over the balcony and onto the compound of Scarlet Devil Mansion. "She threw me out of her house too…" Marisa confided in Remilia as if she were a close friend.

I should probably do the same… Remilia was thinking, as she quickly tapped her foot, the frills of her pink dress stirring impatiently with the movement of her leg. Once again, the blue haired, petite vampire found herself inconvenienced by this, this black-white human. Weren't humans supposed to fear her? And yet this witch has desecrated _her _castle and gotten away with it so many times that even her ever loyal chief-maid Sakuya had given up. Not to mention her gate-guard Meiling never stood a chance in the first place…

"Sigh… I'm sorry, I sort of lost you halfway? Could you start over from the beginning?" Remilia placed a hand to her aching temple. Well… if you can't beat them… "What… What exactly is the problem with Alice?" Remilia asked as she looked up, feeling rather touchy. She might as well have added "And how can I help you?" at the back of that last line…

"That's what I want to know!" Marisa threw her hands up, completely oblivious of the fact that her very presence was annoying Remilia more by the second. "She exploded on me all of a sudden!" Marisa decried that fact under a large, reddish looking moon. Remilia looked at that beautiful moon and sighed.

Often, on such nights, Remilia loved to sit at one of her patio tables many balconies in her huge, Western styled mansion and just sit back, relax, enjoy a cup of tea and just soak in the beautiful, almost empowering lunar rays, basking in its lunatic glory, eyeing all the stars in the sky as if they were gems belonging to her. Mostly, she would be accompanied by her faithful maid Sakuya. Sometimes, she would be joined by her sister Flandre, which Remilia took joy in personally tutoring on how to be a noble lady the ladies of the Scarlet household were meant to be. Sometimes, she would be joined by her old friend Patchouli Knowledge, that was always a pleasure…

On this night though… Remilia buried her forehead in her hand, the headache starting to splinter across it. The petite, red-eyed mistress of the Scarlet household thought irritably as she looked at _tonight's _guest, just as the French doors to the moon-lit balcony they were on opened.

"What's the matter? I thought I heard… Oh…" Remilia's old friend Patchouli Knowledge walked in on the two seated at the balcony table with tea laid for one, her expression immediately turning to a curious mix of slight dread and anticipation at Marisa's presence. "What is she doing here…?" the purple pyjama-clad mage asked Remilia.

"That's what I want to know…" Remilia grumbled.

"Oh hi Patchy!" Marisa cheerfully greeted the long, indigo haired, resident librarian of Scarlet Devil Mansion.

"H-Hi…" Patchouli grudgingly blushed a little at Marisa using her absurd nickname for her. Well… It wasn't as though I hate her being around that much… "Marisa, just what are you disturbing Remilia for?" Patchouli asked, while at the same time giving Remilia a look that said "Might as well get this over with, right?"

Remilia sighed for the second time in two minutes and properly gave in. "Fine…" Remilia sounded her agreement with Patchouli, then looked over to Marisa with a tired expression. "You were saying that Alice exploded on you and… threw you out of her house, is that correct?"

"Yup."

"… And?"

"I want to know why."

"… No no no, I need to firstly know why Alice _lost her patience with you…_" Remilia was fast losing _her _patience.

"Oh… Well, I made some comment about her not having mirrors, and when she did not tell me why, I inquired further…" Marisa retold her tale summarily. "… And then, she just exploded," Marisa threw her hands up and mouthed "Ka-blooey".

"Did she?" Remilia's interest was suddenly piqued, if slightly. "Seems a rather trivial thing to get mad over."

"Not quite…" Patchouli added in after some thought. "Mirrors are rather powerful magical objects, despite their abundance and commonality…"

"Really?" Marisa asked. "I've never thought of that…" she absentmindedly glanced down at her pouch holding her mini-hakero, the octagonal device that powered all her _ginormous_ lasers.

"No, no… Not that sort of powerful," Patchouli said, having taken note of Marisa's gaze, causing Marisa to look rather disappointed. "No, what mirrors do is _show the truth. _ And I do mean the absolute truth," Patchouli elaborated.

"Is that so?" Marisa asked. "So that means…"

"They show what's _physically _there," Patchouli explained herself. "For instance, if you were to hide something with, like say, a magical barrier or similar, the mirror would still show it. It's very, _very_ hard to hide something from a mirror," Patchouli concluded. "It would take extremely high-level magic to do so."

"Oooh… I get it!" Marisa said excitedly "It's like how you can see ghosts and stuff in mirrors! Or how you can't see vampires because they have no soul!"

"… Haaah?" Remilia fully perked up. "That's utter nonsense!" Remilia exclaimed, insulted.

"Huh? Does that mean you can see your reflection, Remilia?" Marisa asked Remilia.

"Pfff… But of course!" Remilia huffed. "I use one, an elaborate _ruby studded _one I might add, to fix my hair every evening!" Remilia gave a quick toss of her powder-blue locks as she looked to the side, frowning. They _were_ verynicely done by the way; they had that sexy look which made her constantly look as if she had just emerged from a skin-smoothening hour-long hot bath. "What absurd superstition!" Remilia continued. "It's like saying I'll die if I stand in the sun! Or that I'll perish with a simple stake through the chest!" Remilia spat. Really! The nonsensical stuff mere mortals believe in! "I mean, a piece of furniture has no soul, and yet you see _it _in the mirror… Pffft… How do you explain that?"

"You mean… you won't die if I stab you in the heart?" Marisa inquired, curious.

"Young girl, look up the definition of immortal in the dictionary, would you kindly?" Remilia said dryly, "Because I'm immortal."

"Has… anyone ever tried it?" Marisa inquired further out of curiosity.

"Well… three men tried once a long time ago, during some medieval vampire hunt. Successfully too," Remilia placed a hand over her heart as she grimaced a bit from the memory of the pain.

"Oh… Ouch," Marisa winced. "Wh-What did you do?"

"I got up, got mad and tossed all three to Flandre," Remilia referenced her little blonde sister of five years younger, "Told her they were new stuff-toys."

"Ouch…" Marisa winced again for entirely different reasons.

"Yeahhh… I was there when it happened, and I was a really young child back then too," Patchouli had a look of disgust and trauma on her face. "And just for the record, Flandre's new 'teddies' lasted for less than five seconds, four of which she took to introduce herself…"

"O-kay… I didn't need to know that…" Marisa had to consciously stop herself from picturing the carnage Remilia's destroyer of a sister could do. "We were talking about mirrors I believe?" Marisa changed subject, bringing the original topic back into focus.

"Oh, yes, we were!" Patchouli said in reply. "Like I was saying, mirrors are able to 'see' through magic, sort of. So, if Alice has an issue with having mirrors in her house… Well, she _could _be hiding something with magic?" Patchouli suggested. "Maybe something she doesn't want people to see?" Patchouli shrugged her shoulders.

Patchouli, Marisa and Aya suddenly looked at each other wide-eyed, curiosity maxed out just as all three unanimously thought the same thing, while Remilia coolly narrowed her eyes contemplatively, despite feeling just as inquisitive as the magician, the witch and the crow tengu. Oooh… Just what was Alice hiding?

"What do you think, Aya?" Marisa asked Aya- Wait a minute…

"Aya!" Marisa and Patchouli cried out at Shameimaru Aya's sudden and unexpected insertion into the story.

"Hi, Hi! Your ever vigilant and observant Shameimaru Aya has arrived!" the short, brunette haired Aya gave a little bow, one hand holding on to her tokin hat on her head, the other holding her feather fan across her chest which was tightly wrapped in a smart looking white blouse paired with a simple black skirt, looking every bit the professional journalist.

"Go to hell!" Remilia greeted the professional journalist most courteously.

"But I've already been there!" Aya smiled, taking the aristocratic vampire's polite welcome in good stride. "There was absolutely nothing to report! Turns out Kisume's bucket does _not _hide a harem of men in it…"

"Why… Why would you even…? Never mind…" Patchouli just settled for shaking her head at the shameless reporter.

"Huh… I always thought Kisume's bucket would hide something controversial…" Marisa said a little disappointed at Aya's news.

"I know, right? It's so secretive!" Aya slumped her shoulders, disappointed herself. "Turns out there's nothing… Oh, and by the way guys? Kisume _is _fully clothed in that bucket, if you were wondering," Aya added on.

"… Could we just continue discussing about Alice and her secret?" Patchouli deadpanned.

"Right! Any ideas?" Aya looked around the four of them gathered on the balcony. "This could be the biggest scoop for the Bunbunmaru newspaper after all!" Aya trembled at disclosing some deep, dark secret of a maiden to help sell her newspaper.

"Ideas?" Remilia was lost for the second time this chapter. "For what?"

"For disclosing Alice's secret, silly!" Aya looked at Remilia as if she lacked any common sense whatsoever. Marisa clapped her hands together excitedly while Patchouli simply placed her hands on her hips and sighed.

… Remilia touched her temple. The hairline fracture of a headache was morphing into a yawning migraine…


	3. Ch 3: A cardboard box is what you need

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Touhou characters, settings or any other original material created by ZUN or any other affiliates. All Touhou copyrights belong to their respective owners. **

**P.S: A surprise guest character I never thought I would be able to write into a story appears!**

**Ch. 3: A cardboard box is what you need**

"Um… I thought we were going to go look for Alice's secret," Marisa whispered to Aya, her simple ponytail swishing as she turned to face Aya.

"We are, we are, now shush!"Aya hushed up Marisa as her eyes trained on Alice Margatroid some distance ahead, her hair-bun trembling with anticipation.

Kirisame Marisa and Shameimaru Aya were dressed in plain, traditional Japanese street clothes, blending in with the crowd in the streets of the human market place, joined by similarly dressed Patchouli Knowledge and Remilia Scarlet. The four of them even went to the extra effort of doing up their hair differently, namely tying up in various ways to change the silhouette of their head.

"But… Isn't her secret hidden in her house?" Marisa pointed out.

"The subject, the subject!" Aya said impatiently, not entirely making sense. "We follow the subject! Basic rules of journalism! Incidence, subject, material, edit, print and wrap!" she rolled off her tongue, her mind not really controlling what her too-fast-for-its-own-good mouth was saying right now as she focused her attention on Alice.

"Sigh… G-Girls… this is ridiculous…" Patchouli complained with her arms folded as her side-tail bobbed along her sigh. "And I bet Aya just wants more dirt on Alice," she added under her breath.

"Huh… You're one to talk," Marisa looked over her shoulder, "You followed us, didn't expect that… Didn't expect your vampire friend to come along with us either," Marisa looked at Remilia.

"What? And why can't I?" Remilia looked away, her noble nose turned up to display disinterest in what was going on, despite her reddened cheeks saying otherwise.

"Well, well, even the great Remilia can be interested in layman gossip, huh?" Marisa smirked. Remilia blushed harder at being unable to resist the lure of fishing out a scandal. That, and the fact that the disguise chosen for her involved twin-tails.

"Shhh! Have you guys _never _stalked someone before?" Aya hushed the group. "Look! She's saying something!"

The group turned their attention to Alice as the normally reserved introvert smiled at a man, then broke into a giggle as the man said something else before bowing a little, handed him some money, bowed a little again and smiled and then walked away, a bag of goods in hand.

"What do you make of that?" Aya snapped away on her camera, before putting it aside and rubbing her hands together gleefully. "Suspicious isn't it? I'll go so far as to call it…" Aya paused for dramatic effect, "_Scandalous._"

The other three turned to look again at the vegetable seller Alice had just walked away from.

"… Isn't she just making a transaction for some stuff she bought from some street vendor?" Patchouli pointed out the obvious as Alice left the vegetable stall.

"Don't be so shallow!" Aya chided Patchouli. "You should pay more attention to the target's behaviour! Look!" Aya gestured towards the leaving Alice. "Have you ever seen her so happy? That smile, that serene look? ! And that money…" Aya narrowed her eyes… "What was it for…? Is Alice happy about some business, some service she had just secured herself for that exchanged cash? !" Aya furiously scribbled notes in her notebook. "From such a handsome looking man no less!" Aya, not looking up from her notebook, pointed at the so-so looking mid-forties vegetable seller. "Alice… Secretly preying off hapless men! Seducing them with her youthful looks! And when that's not enough…" Aya kept scribbling, "She uses… Cash…" she ended off with a dramatic effect.

"Wh-What!" Marisa was genuinely shocked. "Sh-She wouldn't! Not Alice, no!" This was a truly disturbing revelation! Oh no! Alice… Since when did you become like this-

"Oh, don't be stupid, Marisa!" Remilia huffed, quickly interrupting Marisa's thoughts before she got carried away. "Aya's spouting nonsense! Alice is just a polite kid, that's all. Observing the correct formalities when making a purchase and having light chat with your friendly supplier. Prim and proper behaviour I wouldn't expect of Aya here…"

"O-Oh…" Marisa sighed in relief. "And I thought for a second..."

"Wait… You mean stalking someone is prim and proper behaviour?" Patchouli asked the noble Remilia.

"Just whose side are you on? !" Remilia accusingly looked at the other member of team Scarlet.

"Hah! Quick! She's getting away!" Aya swiftly put away her notebook and sleekly sneaked through the crowd after Alice in such a smooth manner one would think she had done this twenty-one thousand four hundred and fifty-nine times before, three bumbling amateurs stumbling after her.

* * *

><p>"Hello Kourin!" Alice stepped into the antique shop known as Kourindou.<p>

"Good afternoon, Alice-san!" Morichika Rinnosuke calmly greeted his new customer.

Kourindou was a little shop set up on the fringes of the human village, right near the end of the market area next to the beginnings of the Forest of Magic. Despite being touted as a quality antique shop, it was a run-down little shop, jam-packed with mostly junk, like used tools or toys and pretty much plenty of second-hand things. But what made it really interesting was that occasionally, there was treasure to be found amongst the haystack of stuff. And sometimes, these things came from the outside world, a world filled with mysterious technology to the denizens of Gensokyo.

The owner of the shop was Rinnosuke, or Kourin, as known by most of his regulars, not that he had many… It was not as well known as perhaps some of the more famous icons of Gensokyo, but the half-youkai shopkeeper was rather old himself. He had run the shop for countless decades, always in the same black and blue tunic, the same glasses, the same short, messy white hair. Even the utility pouch always seen strapped to his front had remained unchanged for ages.

All in all, a rather peaceful if not unprofitable existence.

"So, what can I do for you today, Alice-san?" Kourin asked yet another resident of Gensokyo who's had a long, peaceful and unprofitable existence.

"Oh, well, just stopping by to see what is available," Alice looked about the shelves, eyes scanning for something unique and novel.

"Well, I'm afraid I'm running a little low on things that might be useful to a magician such as yourself," Kourin said a little sheepishly. "But if it is unusual magic tools that might interest you… Hmmm, I just might have something to perk your curiosity," Kourin walked towards a shelf a shelf at the back of the shop, climbed and stool and began to extract a dusty little box from a pile of boxes at the top.

Alice watched with mild anticipation as Kourin took down the box, wondering what might be in it-

Flash and snap!

Alice whipped around! What was that? She mentally asked as she squinted out the window of the shop.

There was no one there…

"S-Strange… I thought I saw something," Alice murmured to herself.

"You did, Alice-san," Kourin answered her without turning around, his back to the window as he fumbled with the strings of the box.

"I-I did?" Alice turned to ask Kourin.

"That… was a stalker's tool," Kourin explained, still untying the string of the box. "The flash gave it away."

"… S-Stalker's tool?" Alice knew Kourin had the ability to discern any object's use and purpose with just a quick glance, but what exactly _was _a stalker's-

"Originally it was a Model 766-OP Quick Flash camera," Kourin clarified himself. "A little outdated, but trusty, reliable, notorious for _never _failing, not in mud, not in sand, not in anything," Kourin managed to get the lid off the box. "I do believe it was originally issued to the Tengu guards as a reconnaissance tool, where it served admirably as the number one intelligence gathering equipment."

"T-Tengu equipment…?" Alice felt a slight chill up her spine. Don't tell me…

Kourin turned around, a little wooden box with an intricate, silver dial attached to it gently held in his hands. "Your expression tells me that you're probably guessing the same thing as I am," Kourin smiled a little apologetically, "And that makes the odds of the two of us getting the guess right very high, unfortunately."

"Kourin…" Alice began, her eyes narrowing as she glanced back a little angrily towards the window, where she was almost ninety-nine percent certain a certain tengu had peeked through.

"Extremely regrettable," Kourin said with a sigh. "That was a proud camera corrupted, now used for the sole degrading purpose of privacy intrusion."

Alice stared back at Kourin, anger now earnestly collecting in her diaphragm at that _certain someone else…_

Kourin smiled and held out the little box. "Magic dial?" Kourin held it out for her to see. "It's yours for just under-"

"AYA!" Alice spun around and made for the door with intent to kill. That CROW! What was she…!

"Wait," Kourin serenely called out, a smile already on his lips at this new, almost certain to be ridiculous incident. "Aren't you going to have a look at this-"

"Oh! Um…" Alice stopped a bit to give the serene shopkeeper as best a polite smile as she could muster at the moment. "Thanks, but not now Kourin!" with that Alice was already on her way out the door. "I'll come back to have a look at it, I promise!" and the infuriated puppeteer was off.

Kourin shrugged his shoulders, set down the box and chuckled. Maybe he should have shown her the enchanted knife he had a couple weeks ago. Too bad that one was already sold to Sakuya the other day…

* * *

><p>"Dammit! She's on to us!" Marisa quickly backed away from the window, her action mirrored by Aya, Patchouli and Remilia as Alice turned around in response to the flash from Aya's camera. "Aya! Why did you have the flash on? !"<p>

"I-I swear it was off!" Aya looked down at her camera in disbelief at one of her few fumbles. I swear…

"Huh, and I thought you always said you're a professional…" Patchouli rubbed it in.

"Now's not the time, Patchy!" Marisa cut in. "Look! She's already heading for the door! We're going to get caught, ze!"

"You kids really need to know how to stay calm in situations like these…" Remilia shook her head at Marisa and Aya's flustering.

"Oh yeah? Well, what would you do, Miss Vampire?" Aya asked pointedly.

"Hmph, Sakuya," Remilia called out.

"Yes, Ojou-sama," replied Izayoi Sakuya and- Woah!

"Woah! Woah woah woah, woah!" Marisa, Aya and Patchouli jumped and nearly hit their heads on the sky as Sakuya popped into existence next to them. "Where did she-"

"Sakuya," Remilia cut across the shock of the other three, "Time stop. You know the rest."

"At once, Ojou-sama," Sakuya's grey eyes widened and shone with power, and all of a sudden, the group of five vanished from the spot.

* * *

><p>"Oooh! I swear! When I get my hands on that crow- Huh? Where did she- Argh! T'ch…"<p> 


	4. Ch 4: S Team

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Touhou characters, settings or any other original material created by ZUN or any other affiliates. All Touhou copyrights belong to their respective owners. **

**Ch. 4: S-Team**

"Great! Just fantastic!" Marisa threw her hands up into the air, "Real professional of you, Aya!"

"What? !" Aya retorted. "H-Hey! It was going smoothly until- Gah! I swear I had the flash off…" Aya frowned at her camera. There was _no way _she could have made such an amateurish mistake! Alerting her target with a flash! H-How…? There was no way… Was there…?

"Maybe this is divine punishment for stalking someone?" Patchouli suggested with a shrug of her shoulders. "I mean, we shouldn't even be doing this in the first place, right? And where did you come from?" Patchouli turned to look at the chief maid of the Scarlet household, Izayoi Sakuya.

"I came at the request of Ojou-sama," the silver haired maid bowed, slate-eyes closed with her usual ramrod-straight, creaseless formality. Of the five present, Sakuya was the only one who looked her usual self, dressed in her usual blue maid outfit with white apron, white maid headband and simple braids on either side of her face. In her hand, the maid held a small, golden pocket watch, the device she had just used to stop time.

"Excellent job, Sakuya," Remilia praised.

"Thank you, Ojou- W-Wait… Are those…?" Sakuya's ramrod-straight, creaseless composure crumpled a little as she pointed a little shakily to Remilia's- Heaven's forbid! Why doesn't Ojou-sama put on twin tails more often? !

"Not now, Sakuya…" Remilia grimaced as she placed a hand to her forehead. Sometimes, Remilia thought her loyal maid was a bit toofond of her…

"S-Sorry, Ojou-sama," Sakuya said, a trickle of blood starting to flow from her nostrils which she poorly attempted to pass off as a simple runny nose.

"Is that blood coming from your nose?" Aya asked Sakuya, camera already halfway out.

"Okay, okay! Stop!" Marisa stepped into the centre of the odd group and held out her hands to call a timeout. "First of all," Marisa pointed to Sakuya, "Have we lost Alice? And secondly, where are we?"

"Well, Marisa-san," Sakuya addressed the second question first as she gestured to the border of the forest they were next to with a slightly bloodied hand. "We're on the other fringe of town, some five hundred metres from where we originally were. And as to your first question, I can confidently say that Alice is adequately 'lost'," Sakuya gently oozed confidence and nasal blood at her own capabilities.

"And… you stopped time to get us here, right?" Marisa continued her inquiry.

"Indeed I did, Marisa-san," Sakuya gave a little professional bow, blood still dripping from her nose. "That's how we were transported here."

"Wait… How?" something did not make sense to Patchouli. "I don't remember moving… Heck, I don't think anyone except you yourself could move during time-stop," Patchouli pointed out.

"Ah, about that? I carried you here," was Sakuya's simple reply.

… An "Ah…" moment swept across the party- No, wait… Sakuya carried each of them five hundred metres? ! The group turned to look with wonder and amazement at the head-maid of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, while Sakuya's mistress Remilia folded her arms and nodded smugly at being her mistress.

"W-Well, it wasn't as difficult as you'd think…" Sakuya blushed a little at the unspoken compliments. "Although… I must say, Aya weighed a ton…" she sneakily got in a shot at the crow tengu.

"H-Hey! What are you suggesting?" Aya placed her hands on her shapely hips angrily.

"Oh, by the way… It was me who turned the flash of your camera on," Sakuya smiled.

Aya's eyes popped out of her sockets. "… H-HEY! So it was YOU! You were responsible for this!"Aya was close to shrieking. "Why you little lolicon!"Aya pointed to Remilia while still looking at Sakuya. "Why would you-"

"Because I ordered her to," Remilia stepped lightly and nosed up Aya. "You have a problem with that, Crow?" Remilia smiled, baring her fangs a little. And what was that? ! Calling her faithful servant a lolicon- Well… she couldn't exactly argue with- Wait a minute are you calling me a loli? !

"… Humph," Aya nosed back at Remilia not in the least daunted. "All I know is, you jeopardized our mission," Aya frowned at the loli vampire.

"Well, the whole thing was getting a little silly anyways," Remilia turned away and huffed, deciding to let Aya's implication of her being a loli pass. Sakuya, Remilia noticed, was still eyeing her twin tails secretly... "So I decided to pull the plug on our little photo-op and do things _my _way instead. I think it'll be _much _better," Remilia insisted.

"Much better?" Marisa asked while Aya looked sceptical. "What are you suggesting?"

"Marisa, I have a maid that stops time," Remilia said coolly.

… An "Oh…" moment swept across the party. Aya had a defeated expression on her face at Remilia's plan, Remilia remained smug, Sakuya gave yet another bow as she offered her services and Patchouli shook her head at Remilia, now certain that her long time friend was totally into this ridiculousness.

"Well then!" Marisa jumped up excitedly and began to lead the party towards Alice's cottage, "Alice's house is this-a-way!"

* * *

><p><em>A temperate coniferous forest. With dense vegetation, a mildly dry climate and plenty of shelter, this habitat provides an excellent safe haven for the typical puppeteer and her spawn.<em>

Rustle, rustle.

_This is particularly important to the mothering puppeteer, for her young are very susceptible to extreme temperatures as well as high levels of humidity, which encourage the cultivation of dangers such as mould and fungi, some of which are of a great threat to the young puppets._

Rustle, crack, rustle.

_Though not lacking in food, finding it can be quite the challenge in such an environment. Just as well then, that the mother puppeteer provides most of the maintenance the young puppets need, and the mother herself does not require much nourishment. Another advantage to the family, for the difficulty of obtaining food dissuades other would-be stalkers._

"Psst… Hey, are we there yet?"

"Quiet!"

_However, on occasion, even such a well protected brood will face a grave threat that could endanger their privacy, their personal space and indeed, even betray their secrets and break their peace and tranquillity. _

Marisa, Aya, Patchouli, Remilia and Sakuya stumbled out of the cover of the woods and into the clearing where Alice's cottage stood.

_All one can do then, is hope that the stalkers are a bunch of blundering, half-witted idiots._

"Wait…" Marisa held out a hand to the rest of the group to signal them to freeze. "If we're stalking… why did we break cover?"

Marisa, Aya and Patchouli looked at each other then started diving back for cover, but Remilia calmly walked up to the front gate and blatantly let herself through, Sakuya following behind her and holding the gate open for the others.

"Remilia!" Aya called out, as Marisa's upper half was already being swallowed up by a bush, her legs wriggling behind her. "What are you doing? ! You're going to blow our cover again!"

"Relax," Remilia said without even looking back on the other three, "It was fated for Alice to never make it home this early," she waved her hand behind her, all blasé.

"Wh-What do you mean?" Aya asked, a little confused, as- Rumble!

…Was that thunder?

* * *

><p>"Awww! Why is it raining so heavily now? !" Alice bemoaned the skies as she took shelter in one of shop houses. "It was so sunny just moments ago…!"<p>

* * *

><p>Aya deadpanned to an understanding as thunder continued to rumble off in the distance. Turning around, she saw a very dense, <em>very <em>localised group of storm clouds hanging over the human village they had just left behind. Aya turned back around and tapped her foot a little irately on the firewood-dry patch of forest they were standing on, annoyed at Remilia outperforming her once again.

"That's cheating Remilia!" Aya sorely remarked. "Honest stalkers don't just screw around with fate as they please!"

"Say what you want, but you will never reach my level," Remilia smirked, pausing to look over her shoulder at the rest of the group. "Oh, and by the way Patchouli, could you help pull Marisa out of the bush? I think she's stuck…"

Patchouli grudgingly obliged as she gripped a now flailing Marisa by the ankles, got a good look at her rear and nearly passed out, then pulled as hard as possible with her frail body before finally managing to dislodge Marisa, throwing the both of them back in a heap on the forest floor in the process.

"O-Ow…" Marisa plucked a couple of twigs that had bitten straight through her clothes, "Man, that was one tenacious bush ze…"

"Do you think…?" Patchouli started from under Marisa, "That this whole scenario is getting a little too silly?"

"Really?" Marisa replied to Patchouli's comment as she remained seated on a prostrated Patchouli's back, removing twigs and leaves from her hair now.

"Yup," Patchouli said, Marisa's butt firmly against her spine. "We're here, about to walk into Alice's house like we own the place, ransacking it for whatever secret it is Alice doesn't want us to know as if we'd all left our morals behind. Aya is tagging along and is buddies with us, Remilia is totally into this, and Sakuya… Well, she was always weird to begin with…"

"Mm hmm, I see your point," Marisa reached down her blouse and began removing twigs from _there_.

"Furthermore," Patchouli continued with a little "ahem", "You're sitting on _my _back, removing bits of foliage from _your _underwear, which you are then proceeding to just throw everywhere and anywhere, including the top of _my _head," Patchouli was so exhausted at the whole situation that she couldn't even muster any anger at Marisa anymore.

Also, Patchouli was using up energy fighting back the nosebleed tide.

"Oh, sorry about that ze…" Marisa got up, then reached down and helped Patchouli up, before the pair proceeded to walk through Alice's front gate after Remilia and Aya, Sakuya closing the gate after them.


	5. Ch 5: Tiny, delectable trinket

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Touhou characters, settings or any other original material created by ZUN or any other affiliates. All Touhou copyrights belong to their respective owners. **

**Ch. 5: Tiny, delectable trinket**

"… Dolls," Shameimaru Aya cringed a little as took a closer look at a row of perfect little dolls lined up on a shelf. "I know its Alice's house but… why did it have to be dolls?"

"Why? What's wrong?" Patchouli Knowledge asked a little sneeringly, "Phobic of people watching you as you go about your dirty business?" Patchouli grabbed one of the dolls and held it out to Aya, "I hear Alice is constantly monitoring stuff through them, you know? " she gave the doll a little hug, smirking.

"Yeagh… Creepy…!" Aya backed up a little, then began to search in some other place that did _not_ feature dolls. A tough call, considering they were ransacking Alice's house…

The four of them, Aya, Patchouli, Remilia and Marisa were spread out about Alice Margatroid's private property, searching eagerly for any clue to whatever secret it was that Alice was hiding. Sakuya was outside, patiently waiting by the gate. The plan was simple; should Sakuya spot a murderous puppeteer come crashing through the forest, she would stop time and repeat the same course of action that she did back at Kourindou, and that was carry each one of them to safety. A little click of the watch, and all five of them would seemingly, relativistic-ly vanish on the spot.

Sakuya did not let anyone know that she had added a slight personal modification of the plan though; it involved the leaving behind of a certain crow. Not something her master would disagree with at all actually…

"Heh… You really are weighed with guilt aren't you?" Patchouli giggled as she watched Aya wearily make her way about the house. There were dolls everywhere! And they all looked as though they were watching Aya…

"G-Guilt?" the guilty tengu nervously balked at the suggestion. "Why would I feel that way? Plus, aren't you an accomplice of mine this time around?" Aya pointed fingers at Patchouli.

"I'll be fine, it's you Alice would want to gut," Patchouli shrugged. "Although I must say, this is a rather well made doll…" she held out the doll she had grabbed to examine it. Patchouli was not one for toys, at least not openly, but the delicately crafted, little plastic girl had soft features that even real girls could only dream of. Patchouli could not help but grudgingly respect Alice's skill-

"Patchouli…" a sneering, high pitched voice suddenly seemingly emerged from the doll, " You disappoint me…"

"Wah!" Patchouli dropped the doll out of shock while Aya jumped and nearly hit the roof before dashing to hide behind the couch, away from the burning gaze of the dolls. Th-The doll! Patchouli backed up, panicky all of a sudden. D-D-Don't tell me… "Alice really is monitoring us? !" Patchouli exclaimed with great panic, whirling around in a circle as- Oh my god, _all these dolls_!

"Heehee!" Marisa rounded the corner from the other room and appeared before Patchouli, grinning widely. "Sorry, da ze! That was me!"

"M-Marisa!" Patchouli whipped around, her expression switching from fear and guilt to guilt and anger. "You scared me!"

"Who's the one with the guilty conscience…?" Aya rhetorically asked no one in particular as she stood up from behind the couch.

"And you! Sh-Shut up!" Patchouli turned on Aya as Aya shrugged her shoulders back in mimicry of Patchouli earlier, Marisa laughing at the duo in the background.

"So… You guys find anything?" Marisa asked while still laughing a little.

"Nope, nothing as of yet," Aya fully emerged from behind the couch, sounding a little bit frustrated. Usually, with an unprecedented opportunity like this to just rummage about a target's house, Aya would uncover heaps of dirt within a short span of time. But up till now…

"Hah… Nothing! I can't believe it!" Aya crossed her arms in front of her. "Nothing to suggest what it is that Alice is hiding…" Aya impatiently switched to a different stance, her hip thrown to one side with an arm on the raised part.

"Huh…" Patchouli moved to get in a sneak attack on Aya, "And here I thought we had one of the best investigative journalists-"

"I mean," Aya continued, more to herself than the others, "I've found out her cup size, and yeah she's actually rather nicely endowed… And I know what style of lingerie she favours now, that confirms my long held suspicions, yes yes… Oh, and I also found out about that… _and_ that, always good to know…" Aya mentally ticked off a checklist of scandalous dig ups as she ranted, "But nothing on mirrors!" Aya finished, finally turning to Pathouli and Marisa, genuinely disappointed.

"… R-Right!" Patchouli and Marisa took a step back nervously, each being reminded firmly of why this crow should never step foot in their houses. Suddenly, it occurred Marisa that only three of the four mischief makers have been featured in this chapter up till now.

"Hey… guys? Where's Remilia?" Marisa asked. Patchouli and Aya paused for a moment and looked around. That was a good question. Where _was _the mistress of the Scarlet Devil Mansion?

"Fu fu fu… Were you serfs looking for me?"

Eh? Who… Who was that…?

* * *

><p>"Here I am. Sorry to keep you commoners waiting, fu fu fu…" a slightly overemphasized, supposedly classy voice came all of a sudden. The crew of magicians and crow turned around to greet- ASDFKJHG! ! ! Aya, Patchouli and Marisa stared with mouths wide open. Wh-What… in the…<p>

"Oh?" a soft, delicate figure with powder blue hair came down the stairs sultrily as magicians and crow could only gawk silently. "No response? I thought you called for me…" The doll gave a smile with all the air of a smirk.

Except that that was no doll. It was Remilia, dressed in a dress. A _goth loli_ dress. With frills. And straps. And thigh socks, elbow gloves _plus _high-heel boots. And it was not just _any_ rubbish goth loli dress. A proper _doll's _goth loli dress. For _real _dolls. Black, white and velvety with a reddish sheen that beautifully shone in all the right ways when struck with sunlight.

Alice's masterpiece, made perfect.

"Well… I see you common folk have taken a liking to my new outfit," Remilia observed with an up-turned nose before the dumbstruck trio. She had found the outfit in Alice's fitting room upstairs and put it on to generate a response. And so far, she liked what she was getting.

"R-Remilia… Wh-What are you…?" Marisa pointed at Remilia, saliva starting to drool from the corner of her mouth.

"Hmph…" Remilia smirked at Marisa, "Don't you dare look at me that way, Marisa. I'd have you know that if you wish to add me to your harem, it'll cost you your life…" she narrowed her darkly red eyes at Marisa.

"A-Ah… Ah…" Patchouli sunk to her knees shamefacedly.

"Do not despair, my old friend," Remilia was really enjoying herself and getting into character. "I've always been the prettier of us two," she dealt an ego crushing blow.

Aya dropped her camera at her feet, gawking.

"Ho~ho!" Remilia was absolutely delighted. "I see even the tengu has been felled! O-Ho ho ho ho!" she gave a stereotypical pompous laugh.

"Ah… Nah… Actually…" Aya's voice managed to crack out a few words as her fingers shakily pointed towards Remilia.

"Fu fu… What is it, my dear tengu friend?"

"Be… hind you?" Aya suggested fearfully.

"Hmmm? What? What is it?" Remilia said annoyed as she turned around at Aya's suggestion. "Who would dare ruin my charismatic moment-"

A most carnivorous chief maid.

"…! S-Sakuya…!" Remilia suddenly felt like a gift wrapped piece of ham. "Wh-What are you doing here? !"

"Ojou-sama," the calm faced beast greeted. "I thought I smelled something," the beast suddenly sneered, baring its fangs. "It turned out to be something delicious! "

"No… No…! S-Stay Sakuya! S-Stay! ! !"

"Ita~daki~masu! "

"No! No Sakuya! B-Bad Sakuya! Sit! Siii- Ahhh! ! ! Ahhh! ! ! Ahahaha…! ! !"

Patchouli covered Marisa eyes. "You're underaged for this," she claimed.

"No I'm not!" young Marisa protested, trying to swat away the adult magician's hand, "Let me see! Let me see!"

"Ah ah ah ah! ! ! No! Not there! Not there- Nngh! Guh…! S-Stop! S-Stop! Or I'll… I'll! Kyah! ! !"

* * *

><p>Aya, Patchouli and Marisa were still standing at the side, watching with horror and fascination as Remilia was being carefully and swiftly dissected from lace to lace, the perfectionist of a culprit expertly manoeuvring her fingers in a way only a knife artist could.<p>

"S-Sakuya… P-Please…"

"Try to relax, Ojou-sama, and that let the pleasure in…"

"P-Please…! I-I command you…! If you d-don't listen… I'll punish you…!"

"Thank you, Ojou-sama. Thank you very much."

"No, you idiot…! I-I was being serious-Ah! "

"… Well, I guess I should give this a miss…" Aya pocketed her camera.

"What? Really?" Patchouli looked at Aya in disbelief. "One of the most scandalous things is happening in front of you, and you're not going to report it?"

"Normally I would like to but…" Aya gave a serious look at the scene of servant on master before her.

"This… is just sick-"

"Don't pretend to be a moralist now."

Marisa gave a sigh, and took her eyes off the tried and tired typical rape scene. That was enough Sakuya x Remilia for now... Back to business! Marisa gave a look around the cottage as sounds of a protesting, heated Remilia and a ravenous Sakuya kept playing in the background.

"Hmmm…? What's this?" Something shiny? No… it was not a mirror. Marisa stooped down to pick it up and examined it. A… A photo frame?

"Hey guys," Marisa turned to Aya and Patchouli, "What do you make of this?" she asked as Remilia continued protesting in a weaker and weaker manner.

"Oh? Let me have a look," Aya took the photo frame, and she and Patchouli examined it in the light against the backdrop of a panting Sakuya pecking the cheeks of a gasping Remilia.

"H-Hey… It's a photo portrait of a young girl…" Aya observed as Sakuya was now progressing down Remilia's neck.

"Wait… Doesn't this girl look really familiar?" Patchouli commented, with Sakuya now going along Remilia's arm.

"Does it?" Marisa asked while Remilia tried to push Sakuya away with her other hand, only to get it caught and held by the wrist, which Sakuya proceeded to kiss as well. Marisa squinted at the photo. The photo featured a small, blonde little girl, dressed in a blue dress and white blouse- H-Hey… Nngh… I-I know this girl… Marisa blinked her eyes a few times as a sudden wave of nostalgia and familiarity hit her.

"Wh-Where have I seen her before?" Marisa asked herself, her brow knitted in thought as Sakuya was going straight for Remilia's navel now, Remilia yelping out of sensitivity.

"… Hah! I-I think I remember her too now…!" Patchouli and Marisa exchanged glances, and in a moment, the two instantly knew they were thinking the same thing. Th-This girl… But that means...! No… It can't be-

"Hyah! Not there! Wh-Where are you touching- Grrr… That's enough… That's ENOUGH! ! !"

Boom! Crash! A high pitched, whistling sound of high energy, followed by the crackle of said energy as it whisked through the air at lightning speed caught the attention of Aya, Patchouli and Marisa, and the trio turned around just in time to see Sakuya pinned to the cracked wall by a large, red energy lance straight through the collar of her uniform. Her forehead was bleeding profusely, her clothes were singed by the lance's heat and her face had a look of absolutely no regrets.

"Woah… Woah…" Marisa whistled, "Hey Remi? I think you just killed your maid with your Gungnir…"

"Hah… Hah…" Remilia stood panting, legs planted apart to earlier brace the hurling of the energy spear Gungnir, "Hah… Hah… She can go to hell for all I care!" Remilia exclaimed, the dress on her all torn up and barely clinging on like black webbing, "Stupid maid!"

From the wall, Sakuya smiled and gave a thumbs up.

"Ahhh! Ahhhhhh! ! !" Remilia screamed with horror and threw yet another Gungnir at the now ascending maid.

"No Remilia! Stop!" Patchouli grabbed Remilia's arm, "Stop!"

"And just exactly _why _should I? !" Remilia seethed, shouting.

"What will happen to our contingency plan now that you've (nearly) killed our time-stopping maid?" Patchouli brought up an unfaultable point.

… The whole group went silent (Sakuya for separate reasons). Oh dear… If… If Sakuya isn't standing at the gates now keeping watch… then…

Click! Ka~chang!

…! The group froze as the sound of gate opening then closing was followed by the cheerful sound of boots against gravel as footsteps came up along the garden path towards the main door.

"Hah… Finally! Feels so good to get out of that storm!" came a currently sunny sounding voice from the other side. "That was some crazy storm, but at least I'm home now, right Shangai? "

"Crap!" Aya reacted faster before anyone else, but what she said was exactly what everyone else, minus the maid, was thinking.

"Alice is back!"


	6. Ch 6: The Secret

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Touhou characters, settings or any other original material created by ZUN or any other affiliates. All Touhou copyrights belong to their respective owners. **

**Ch. 6: The Secret**

"Ah… My dear Shanghai, it's been really tiring today, hasn't it?" Alice Margatroid said as she proceeded up the garden path towards home, her little, long blonde haired doll floating next to her, sky blue glass eyes wide and attentive.

"I thought I was going to have another peaceful day today, but everything just went wrong at Kourin's, huh?" Alice sighed. Shanghai flew closer to Alice's face and patted her on the back of her head.

"Oh…! Ha ha… Thanks, Shanghai! " Alice smiled to her cutest little doll. "That reminds me…" Alice pulled on the hem of Shanghai's blue, white frilled dress and gave it a quick examination, "I've not yet finished your new outfit… Ah! That's right!" Alice grinned sheepishly, "I didn't tell you I was working on such a thing, did I?" Shanghai shook her head, her glass eyes holding anticipation and excitement at such a revelation.

"Ehehe… Oops! It was supposed to be a surprise! But I'll tell you more about it later ," Alice smiled, then turned her attention to the front door they had reached.

"But firstly… a nice, quiet cup of tea, shall we-" Alice stopped short.

In front of her on her couch were seated a hateful tengu, an annoying witch, a pyjama magician and a torn and tattered vampire.

"-Shall… we…? Shanghai…" Alice had to put up quite the effort to keep her breathing stable, "Would you kindly please go check if Hourai-chan is still sleeping? Fetch her if she is awake, please…"

Shanghai gave a start towards the sudden change in her master's mood and looked at her hesitantly.

"Please."

Little Shanghai hesitated no more at her master's urging, curtseyed, and immediately flew off to fetch her more fearsome sister.

Alice stood completely still, her face composed, her lips a thin, emotionless line as she turned back to Kirisame Marisa, Shameimaru Aya, Patchouli Knowledge and ravaged Remilia Scarlet seated on the couch like it was any other afternoon.

"Ah… Hi, hi! Good afternoon, Alice-chan!" Aya greeted Alice for the group, her words stinging the ears of Alice as the four idiots before her continued to sit there as if they belonged there.

"… Sigh… Wh-Where do I begin?" Alice gave a smile of disbelief. "I… I… Remilia, that's one of the dresses I was working on, isn't it?" Alice pointed towards Remilia, decked out in rags that just barely managed to preserve her decency.

"Yes," Remilia answered calmly. "Thought I'd alter it a bit. I was going for a different sort of look. I'm feeling a bit more on the rebellious side today."

"… And… And Aya…" Alice turned to Aya.

"Yes?"

"You were there when I was at Kourindou, taking peep shots at me, weren't you?"

"Well… To be fair, my original target was Rinnosuke," Aya gave a courteous smile, "You just happened to be in the frame all the time. Not your fault though."

"Sigh… And… And Patchouli…" Alice singled out Patchouli next.

"Yes…?"

"… Hi."

"Hello Alice."

"By the way… What's that behind you?"

"Behind me?" Patchouli turned around to see the hanging Sakuya, still impaled to the wall. "Why… It's a dog in its natural state, of course," she stated indifferently.

"O-Of course… silly me WHAT AM I DOING? !" Alice burst out all of a sudden. The four before her cringed and retreated into the couch. "What. The. HELL! ! ! What is this? ! A CIRCUS? !" Alice was fuming ahead at full steam.

"N-Now now, Alice… I think you ought to relax and listen to us firs-"

"No I will _not _relax, Aya!" Alice pointed a finger accusingly at the crow tengu. "And I've _definitely _heard more than I need!" Alice brought her hands to her head in hysteria, "Th-This whole thing is _ridiculous_! ! !" she then swiftly brought her arms back down and out again, gesturing to the four of them with widespread arms to demonstrate her incredulity.

"What are you so pissed about? Is this the way to speak to a noble lady such as myself-"

"Remilia, another word out of your mouth and I'll make sure to turn you into a Halloween decoration for next year!" Alice rounded on Remilia, who recoiled back, completely taken by surprise. W-Wow… Alice _is_ mad.

"Alice… Look, we're sorry for intruding like this without warning, but-"

"No buts! I-Ahhh… Patchouli, I don't mean to be so mad but I just… I mean! Just look at your mistress!" Alice gestured to Remilia decked out in ribbons, "Look at what she's done to one of my finest dresses in the making! A-And then look behind you at the wall!" Alice was hyperventilating a little. "Look! Just look! Sakuya, hanging like some sort of barbaric trophy! Her blood staining my house!"

"S-Sorry… Alice-san," Sakuya weakly apologised from the wall.

"Yeah, you had better be sorry!" Alice huffed. "When you do extract yourself from there, make sure you clean up every drop of you blood! I don't want any stains!"

"Don't worry, Alice-san, I'll make sure my Sakuya does as you have request-"

"Shut up, Remilia!"

Remilia once again backed down humbly, which was something she had never done before, let alone several times in a row. Maybe it was the guilt she was literally wearing.

"And Marisa!" Alice directed her anger at the black-white witch who had yet to say a word. "Explain yourself! I know it was you that brought them here! I-" Alice was suddenly cut short when she noticed that Marisa was staring at her with nothing but curiosity, tinged with… nostalgia?

"Hey! Hey, Marisa! I'm talking to you!" Alice nosed up to Marisa, seated on the rightmost side of the couch. "Hey! Do you know how much trouble you are in-"

"Alice…" Marisa suddenly reached out and gently caressed Alice's face with the back of her hand.

"…! Hyah!" Alice instantly stepped back, surprised. "M-Marisa! What are you doing? !" she demanded, although her anger in her voice was gone, replaced by a sudden emergence of fear and wonder at Marisa's act.

"Hah… It really is you…!" Marisa grinned. "How could I not have noticed?" she stood up and hugged Alice.

"Ah- Huh? ! Wh-What are you…!" Alice froze in place and looked around panicky for an answer as Marisa maintained the embrace. "Wh-What's going on? ! H-Hey… Hey! Hey Marisa! What are you- S-Stop it already! The others are here-"

"Hee… I totally couldn't recognize you!" Marisa held Alice at arm's length to take a good look at the furiously blushing puppeteer, her demeanour now tame and shy before the grinning witch. "Look! You're even taller than me now, no fair!" Marisa pulled herself in and up on her toes to match Alice's height, her bright face merely millimetres from Alice's tomato red one.

"Hah…! M-Marisa…!" Alice sounded like a little girl. "P-Patchouli… Wh-What's going on? !" she begged Patchouli for an answer.

"Hmmm? Well… I guess this should explain it, right?" Patchouli held out a photo frame featuring a much younger and rather different version of Alice in it. "We found this," she said simply.

"…! Th-Then…!" Alice turned back to the beaming Marisa.

"Heehee!" Marisa giggled, "I really can't believe it's you!" she hugged the crimson and paralyzed puppeteer once more.

* * *

><p>"But wow! This really brings back memories, huh!" Marisa smiled at the still blushing Alice.<p>

The five of them, Alice, Marisa, Patchouli, Remilia and Aya were seated around the dining table, tea and snacks served before them. Behind Alice floated the now awake Hourai, attentive and ready to serve the guests, while little Shanghai stared at her master with wonder as she was being clutched by tightly to the loudly beating heart of her maiden mistress.

Hourai had inconspicuously hidden her blade within her dress; there was no need for it now. Sakuya was busy cleaning the wall of blood.

"Y-Yeah… It does…" Alice looked away shyly, piquing the interest of the others with her odd behaviour.

"That was back then in Makai, wasn't it?" Marisa continued cheerfully.

"Y-Yeah…" Alice was pulling down on the hem of her blue skirt, stretching the material above her knees.

"But wow…" Aya took the photo as it was passed around to her and squinted at it. "Well… there are some common features, like the blonde hair and some parts of the face, but you wouldn't really be able to tell this kiddo is actually you," she remarked.

"I guess it's only natural, given the child in the photo is, well, a child, and the Alice before us is an adult," Remilia observed, her outfit now her usual frilly pink dress… "But _Alice-chan_," Remilia directed at Alice in a sweet manner, "Your face is all red, _sweety," _Remilia sneered a gentle smile.

"Mmm hmmm! Mmm hmmm!" Aya leaned forward to study Alice's face, and Alice leaned back, averting eye contact. "Why so shy, Alice?" Aya grinned. "Come on! Tell us! " Aya's eyes turned to Marisa. "There's obviously been some untold history behind you and Marisa! " But Alice just looked down and shook her head.

"Ah… You're no fun…" Aya crossed her arms and huffed. "Ah! But Marisa can tell us something, right? What was she like back then? What was she like?"

"…! Eh? ! M-Me? !" Marisa pointed at herself. It was now her turn to blush. "Eh heh… Erm…" Marisa scratched her head sheepishly.

"Well… she was very cute…" Alice's face turned redder as Aya and Remilia crooned.

"And she tried so hard to impress me with that grimoire back then…" Alice sunk lower into her seat as the bat and crow snickered.

"Sounds like someone had a crush, eh Patchouli?" Remilia nudged an unamused Patchouli.

"Oh! And she used to call me, but ahhh…! " Marisa put up both hands to her crimson cheeks and shook her head. "I'm not so sure if I should tell you this…" she began, "But she used to call me-"

Immediately, Alice perked up, her eyes wide with terror while Aya and Remilia leaned in, impatient for more.

"No… No Marisa!" was all Alice could manage.

"What! What is it Marisa? ! Hurry up and tell us!" demanded the bat and crow.

"Onee-chan- Hyaaah ! " Marisa was hugging her body and rocking it from side to side in a most girly fashion.

"Hyaaah! " Aya and Remilia imitated Marisa.

"Hyaaah!" Alice went too, but for completely different reasons and in a completely different tone.

"Humph…" went Patchouli.

"Aliiice…? " Aya and Remilia nosed up to a now cringing Alice.

"O-Okay… Okay FINE!" the cornered Alice finally found the courage to stand up and slammed her hands on the table. "Fine! So I had a stupid childhood crush on Marisa! So what? !" Alice huffed, her face a mess of embarrassment and shyness.

"Awww…" Aya and Remilia were purposely fangirl-ing to flame the heat.

"And just so you know!" Alice jabbed a finger in Marisa's direction with enough force to break the air, "It was a childhood crush!" she looked at Marisa fiercely.

"O-Okay, okay ze…" Marisa sweat dropped and put her hands up in front of her in surrender.

"And I mean _strictly_ a _childhood crush_!" Alice's emphasized.

Marisa chuckled. "I get it! I get it!" she tried to appease the cutely hostile Alice.

"I have absolutely no such feelings for you anymore, do you understand? !" Alice made the mistake of trying to intimidate Marisa by locking eyes with her.

Marisa had her face propped up on one arm, grinning in an amused manner at Alice.

"Do you… under…stand…?" Alice found herself looking away hurriedly.

Marisa smiled. "I understand," she replied simply.

Alice sat back down immediately without a word, her head bowed and her eyes thankfully (for Alice) hidden behind her fringe.

Aya and Remilia looked from Alice to Marisa and back again. "Ah well," Remilia had a most smug look on her face, "I do occasionally enjoy the commoner's drama, don't you agree, Aya-san?" she turned to her buddy for the moment.

"Enjoy? Remilia-san, I live it for it!" Aya was grinning widely. "How about you, Patchouli-san?"

"… Is this the reason for the lack of mirrors?" Patchouli started on a different note curtly, her facial expression blank indifference to what had just transpired save for a slight displeased pursing of her lips.

"…E-Eh?" Alice suddenly forgot about all the awkwardness behind her. "M-Mirrors…?"

"Didn't anyone tell you?" Patchouli continued, "This whole escapade is about you not having mirrors in your house."

"H-Huh-"

"I think…" Patchouli pointed to the photo of the younger Alice sitting in its frame, "That you have no mirrors because it discloses the enchantment you have cast on yourself to make yourself look older," she explained.

"Mirrors?" Suddenly, a silly conversation from a few days ago came back to Alice. "Marisa…" she turned coldly to the black-white. "So… So it is your fault after all!" she walked up suddenly to Marisa's side irritably.

"Aiieee!" Marisa backed into her seat, "C-Calm down Alice!" she laughed.

"And why should I? !" Alice bent down and jabbed a finger at Marisa's nose.

"We just wanted to know why you don't have any mirrors, that's all," Marisa shrugged. "I mean… if hiding your appearance is that important to you…"

"My… My appearance? Wh-Why would I want to hide my appearance?" Alice asked, confused.

"Indeed. Why should she?" Remilia looked over to Aya, a smirk on her face.

"I don't know…?" Aya, who was on the same page as Remilia, pretended to give the matter some thought, "Maybe… It would disallow perhaps _some individual_ from _recognizing _her?" she suggested suggestively.

"…!" Alice's face lit up scarlet again, and one could literally see the steam building up in her head. "I… _I told you!_" Alice pouted furiously, "I told you people it has _nothing to do with Marisa_!"

"We didn't mention Marisa! " Aya and Remilia immediately pounced on the opportunity to torment Alice with glee.

Alice's eyes popped and involuntarily found herself to turning to Marisa. Marisa startled a little at being turned to, and tried to give support by shrugging and giving a friendly smile, which had the effect of making Alice clutch her arms and look away meekly.

"Well," Patchouli steadily steered the conversation back on track, eager to get it off the current one, "If Marisa's not the reason, then what is?"

"O-Oh? But I didn't use an enchantment to change my looks," Alice was glad at the change in topic to a more… normal conversation. "I mean," she gazed around the table, "I literally aged myself with magic," she explained. "This is no illusion. The girl you see before you is really older, well at least physically."

"Hmmm? Why did you do that?" Marisa asked.

"Well… You are a magician, aren't you?" Patchouli brought up rhetorically, to which Alice nodded her head.

"Right," Alice said, "Since I'm long lived and I age really slowly like Patchouli, I had to do something about it or I'll remain a loli like Remilia," she gestured to the loli matter-of-factly.

"H-Hey!" Remilia said in protest while Aya sniggered. "Hey!" Remilia turned to Aya, "What are you laughing at? !"

"Hehe… She is right, you know?" Aya referenced Alice. "Loli… hehe…"

"Grrr… And I thought we were hitting off so well too. Guess you're nothing but a useless crow after all..."

"Awww… The loli's mad! "

"Sh-Shut it, Aya!"

"Here, here, don't be mad! Come here into my arms and into my adult bosom! " Aya trolled.

Remilia crossed her arms and stared at Aya really angrily, in a cute manner only a loli could, but otherwise did nothing to her buddy of the last fifteen minutes. Maybe she really has warmed up to her…

"W-Well…" Alice sweat-dropped at the interaction between Aya and Remilia. "Aside from that," she continued, "I was experimenting with a different sort of magic at the time. One that needed greater control over a wider range of ever finer movements."

"You mean… your legion of dolls magic!" Marisa caught on quickly.

"Exactly," Alice nodded. "And the solution was simple…"

"You needed an adult's body," Patchouli explained on Alice's behalf.

"That's right," Alice pulled out a compact from her pocket and flipped it open to reveal its mirror. "Here. You can see my reflection is perfectly normal. "

The group leaned in for a closer look. It was true. Alice's fine, youthful face, soft eye lashes and slender jaw were faithfully reflected by the mirror. There were no discrepancies between Alice's features in reality and in the mirror.

"But… But then why the lack of mirrors, Alice?" Marisa asked, still not having an answer.

"Wh-Why are you still asking up till now?" Alice said a little irritably at Marisa. "Don't you remember? That purple toxic stain on your apron? How you got it?"

"Er… Not really-"

"You nearly broke _everything _in _my house _after that failed experiment, thanks to the contamination of our potion by _your mushrooms_!" Alice crossed her arms angrily. "I can't believe you still won't take responsibility for that! Did that explosion really mess with your memory?"

"W-Wait…" A guilty memory was beginning to come back to Marisa. "Was it the day that I… broke every single glassware you had?"

"Yes!" Alice exclaimed crossly, "Yes, it was!"

"I-Including the mirrors?"

"Including the mirrors!"

"S-So it was… my fault all along?"

"Yes, it is your fault all along!"

At this point, Alice was standing over a Marisa who had slumped back down into her seat, Alice's nose pressed straight up against Marisa's with an annoyed glare. Marisa sheepishly scratched the back of her head as she meekly declared, "W-Well… I guess that's mystery solved?" she cautiously informed the group.

"… Marisa …!" The whole group resignedly cried out.

"Eh hehe… Eh hehe… S-Sorry…"

* * *

><p><strong>But wait… If Alice's purpose was not to hide herself from Marisa, then how come Marisa's always been kept in the dark, hmmm? <strong>

**Hehe… Anyways, another fruitful day (or two) has been concluded in Gensokyo. Thanks for reading!**


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